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Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thursday's To Do List

Aside from daily chores, like laundry, dishes, picking up toys, Mika duties, etc.:

clean fridge
wash kitchen floor
clean upstairs bathroom
wash Mika's bedroom floor
vacuum entire house
reorg attic so that loft is no longer a storage area
clean loft
dust everything
clean glass/mirrors
meet kristeen at the mall :)
meet Daddy and go grocery shopping
come home and finish whatever I didn't get done during the day

If I have time, I'll consider something like eating. I managed to get through yesterday on 2 slices of toast and a few coffees. Not so healthy. When I saw that I had gained another 5 lbs. yesterday, the desire to eat kinda left me. I have had no energy whatsoever lately, even when eating normally. Ever since my milk supply vanished overnight, I just haven't felt good or right. I can't tell if it's mental/emotional or physical..or maybe a bit of each. Since the disappearing milk, I've had about a total of two weeks period free. I bled for an entire month prior to taking myself off the bcp's that the doc had put me on. (I'm convinced that the pill is what killed my milk so drastically) My body is still playing period peek-a-boo. I've been a big loser about going to the doctor about any of this because I'm scared that she's going to lay into me about the breastfeeding. I already feel like a huge failure about the lack thereof and don't want a lecture. Mika has her 6 month checkup next week, so it will all come out then anyway. The weight thing perplexes me though. I don't eat all that much and walk more than anyone else I know. How can I be gaining instead of losing or at least staying the same? Muscle weighs more than fat, but I don't think this is a case of me bulking up in the muscle department. Ugh. I dunno.

Then Mika does something like stick her tongue in my mouth as I am kissing her and I feel much better.


Anonymous Kristeen said...

You get baby-french-kisses too? :)

First of all it's highly likely your milk dried up because of the pill. Hormones are nasty.

Second, even if that wasn't the reason- give yourself a break! You breastfed for months! Try and count how many times you did it. Too many to recall, right? Well remember that every time you did it you gave her good antibodies and all the benefits! You gave Mika everything you could and made the decision to give her a good start in life. It's not like you're one of those people who didn't do it at all because it's "gross". I would never think less of you because of your situation and if your Dr. lectures you- he's a prick.

The weight gain I'm not sure about. It could be residual hormones from the pill or it could be that you got used to comsuming the extra calories needed for breastfeeding. I get amazed at how hungry I get. Whatever the reason, just remember that your body needs fuel on a regular basis even to lose weight and that when you depreive it of meals it goes into starvation mode and holds on to any food you eat.

See you tonight!!!

10:32 AM  
Blogger Mama T said...

Thanks Kris. I needed to hear that. It's all too easy for me to get caught up in the negative and ignore the positives.

Hormones Suck!

11:07 AM  
Blogger Sheila Steele said...

Mama T: I found your blog because you commented on one of my photos. I went to your profile and discovered you have my son on your contact list.

Which brings us to the subject of breastfeeding. 41 years ago I was not a very successful breastfeeder, either. I had also been on the pill -- a really heavy duty one.

I think there are some of us who do not adapt well to being isolated with a baby, no matter how wonderful the baby is. So much responsibility is laid at our doorstep.

Personally I think many years of my life would have been happier in a more social setting with more children, more parents.

But nonetheless things work out and the child you feared you failed is all grown up and doing wonderful things.

It takes a village and maybe that village is here (on the internet).

I'll keep checking your blog.

5:12 PM  
Blogger Elanahuac said...

HI Marina,

Found your blog quite by accident really. Congratulations on your beautiful babygirl. My son is 17 months old. It's a mad mad world isn't it?


4:06 PM  

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